Two Weeks Left

     I embarked on a truly terrifying venture that many would think insane. I took thirty high school freshman on a field trip to an out-of-state college. My new principal mandated that all students be exposed to a four year school. She also required that it be outside of New Jersey so the students could see what is out there for them.

     A few reasons this is well-intended, but missed the mark. First, the kids are only fourteen years old; they aren't thinking seriously about school yet. Some of the female students swooned because a college guy said hello back to them. I tried explaining it was truly reflexive, but I swear some of those girls were ready to marry him. Secondly, we went to Temple University which is extremely urban. The campus was not too different from what they encounter everyday. Some greenery would have been nice. Thirdly, the trip consisted of a 90 minute bus ride, 30 minute tour (the students asked no questions, because, well, see my first reason), a 60 minute lunch, then another 90 minute bus ride home. They really got to see three lobbies and a cafeteria.

     I think a longer trip to Kean or Rutgers would be way more beneficial to the students. Maybe they could sit in on a class, see the dorms, speak to some club and organization leaders. The out-of-state trip should come when they are juniors.

     One reason I bring this up is because the founder of Temple is apparently buried on campus. There is a campus ghost hunters society who regularly patrol the campus for signs of hauntings. Oddly enough, they claim cell phone reception is strongest at the burial site. Every ghost hunting show I've ever seen has claimed that spirits do nothing but interfere with electronic devices. Perhaps I can use this experience for my paper at some point.

     Speaking of, I've started writing the section about urban legends to be discussed at our meeting next week. I was unsure what direction it would take, but once I started writing, it started to take shape (go figure, right?). I'm really looking forward to what it will look like in one week.

Urban Legends

     So apparently I'm having trouble remembering to blog until the day it is due. Hopefully I can snap out of this and get this work done on time in the future. November, when teachers have more days off than in school. It's hard to believe that time has moved so fast.

     I haven't started writing my next chapter about urban legends yet, but I've been doing quite extensive research on them. By research I mean reading about them. I don't think I'll ever get tired of reading about urban legends. There is something about the urban legends or anecdotal stories that commenters relay that are more appealing than the creepy pastas. The creepy pastas are submissions by users of websites. They have a lot in common with legends or myths, but they come across as being too contrived and rely on jump scares that most tweenagers find terrifying. But I still enjoy them to an extent.

     I browse Reddit on a daily basis. I come across a lot of threads where topic posters will ask for users to share a) the most creepy thing they've seen b) the most creepy thing that has happened to them c) creepiest local legend etc. The submissions on these threads are always so fascinating.

     I've even come across some ideas that inspired where I might take the chapter. There are several instances of the legend being based on reality, but with some alterations. In one, there was the legend of a man without a face who would stalk you at night and attack you. In reality, a man had his face severely burned so that it was covered in a mass of scar tissue. You could, in fact, encounter him at night, but only because that was the only time he could go out for a walk without being harassed. He had reasons for his behavior, but they were misconstrued for the sake of a good story.

     I'm excited to sit down to write out some of my ideas. Here's to hoping I don't forget.

Off the Path I'm Beating

     I absolutely apologize for being so late. I know some of you guys can't sleep at night until you've read what I have to say. My wife and I are on vacation this week and I completely lost track of what day it was. We were on our way home from Adventure Aquarium today when it dawned on me that I forgot to blog. I figured I would veer from discussing my thesis to talking about something even more frightening- the election.

     I don't want to focus on how terrible it is that Trump won. Let's be honest, he had a 50/50 shot and it's not like our other option was no Abe Lincoln. Truthfully, he hasn't even taken office yet so no one has any clue whether or not he'll be horrible at the job or not.

     Instead, I wanted to look at the aftermath of the outcome and how some people are behaving like petulant children. Protests? Riots (because what else should you call destruction of property)? Demanding an overhaul of the electoral college? Okay, maybe Al Gore would support you on that last one.

     What is causing these people to behave so poorly? This is the same behavior they most likely ridiculed at Pro-Trump rallies prior to the election. What happened to "When they go low, we go high"? So far it seems like Trump is throwing everyone for a loop by acting, well, unTrump-like. He seemed gracious and wasn't gloating in his acceptance speech. He's confusing me; I'll just wait for the other shoe to drop and hope to be surprised when nothing bad happens.

     First, I blame the media for portraying him as a boogeyman. Don't get me wrong, he seems downright deplorable at times and has said some pretty heinous stuff. But I've heard that multiple media outlets really tried to slant things in Clinton's favor. This type of propaganda causes those who don't fully read up on what's happening (unfortunately most people) to use sound bytes as the bedrock of their beliefs.

     Some people think that now Trump is President-elect, we are all racist now. As is the coast is clear and we can drop the charade. My wife has a friend on Facebook who posted an angry reaction to the election, warning people not to tell her "to be angry with white people." Why are you mad at me?

     I also blame people for not remembering anything from civics or government classes they took in school. Sorry if Clinton won the popular vote, but we were all taught about the electoral college and we can't change it just because the person we wanted to win didn't. It seems that most of these people (who all grew up getting ribbons and medals) can't handle being on the losing side of a vote.

How millennials saw the election going

     These riots and protests won't change anything. A radio host on 101.5 put it best when he said that America isn't a Banana Republic that will have a redo just because you don't like the outcome. If anything, these people are becoming the havoc and doom they were worried about. And don't say that Trump isn't your president, he is. Stubborn refusal to accept this fact will only lead to disappointment.

     So that's it. That's the rant. And I didn't vote for Trump.

   

How is it November Already?

     Wow, time flies. I can't believe we've been in school for two months already. The first marking period is over and the holidays are fast approaching. Think about it; we're closer to Christmas than to the first day of school.

     Things have been crazy busy at work. I not only took on an extra class, but I've also been put in charge of the school newsletter. Thank God it's quarterly. Our new administration has a new policy that every failing student must have some form of intervention. In order to do so, we have to show that we've contacted the parents at least three times. Most phone numbers either don't work or they go unanswered. Maybe that fact alone is scary enough for me to write about for my thesis.

     Speaking of which, it's proving harder than I thought to write what I think is "thesis worthy". I'm not 100% sure that what I'm producing is... good enough for lack of a better term. Don't worry, this isn't another despair post. I'm just looking forward to meeting with Dr. Zamora on Thursday so I can get some direction.

     I've never been one to take much initiative. I'd much rather take direction than provide it. So to set off on my own to write this thesis is leaving me constantly guessing. I know that my group will provide with great feedback, as will Dr. Zamora.

     Actually sitting down to write my passage has been a great experience. I know the time will come when I have to sit down and weave all the pieces together into a cohesive unit. Even still, I'm trying to keep that thought in the back of my mind so that it will be easier to do when that time comes.

On With the Plan

     One of my directives was to create a list of critical lenses with which I'll examine how fear plays a role in our lives. Each lens will be paired with an experience of my own. These are still tentatively titled, but it looks like the lenses will be: the thin divide between fear and pleasure, the social aspects of fear/role of the media, the body's role in how we experience fear, the catharsis we feel in being scared, the uncanny, and the visualization of fear versus the narrative of fear. These were all developed by Dr. Zamora and seem to cover all of the major areas I would like to address. Some may be excised depending on whether or not I'm happy with how that section turns out.

     I wanted to try to develop an idea I had. I'm thinking I'll combine the uncanny with the catharsis of being scared. An experience I'll attempt to pair this with is when my best friend Anthony and I would sneak out of his house and one o'clock in the morning. I would sleep over his house every weekend, normally going to bed extremely late if at all. One night we got the idea to sneak out and explore the town.

     The first step in beginning our journey was getting past the gatekeeper, which took the form of a large cowbell that hung from the breezeway door. This was easily remedied by placing a piece of tape inside the bell to prevent it from waking up the whole house. Eventually our early morning jaunts were ended when we forgot to remove the tape one time. Anthony's grandmother wondered why her bell wasn't working and quickly discovered the cause. To save his own skin, Anthony ratted me out as the culprit who liked to sneak out after he had fallen asleep to meet up with my girlfriend. Some best friend.

     The reason our excursions felt uncanny was because of how still everything was. Normally busy roads were deserted. Sidewalks were devoid of people. What normally bustled with life was now completely still. It seemed odd that traffic lights still worked, even though there wasn't anyone there to wait. The world was carrying on even though no one (but us) was there to see it. It isn't often that you find yourself the only person around, witness to the world moving on.

     Every once in a while we'd see headlights. Eventually we turned it into a game of running from the car for as long as possible, diving for cover at the last minute. We'd try to outdo each other with the method with which we hid; one time I almost jumped over the railing of a small bridge, chickening out at the last second. In our minds, any car we saw out belonged to an authority figure who could get us trouble. It never occurred to us that only weirdos were out that late.

     We ventured into the woods, completely unaware of how pitch black it would be, the moonlight unable to pierce the canopy of trees. On one of these trips I saw a chair in the pathway. It still bothers me to this day. The best way I can describe it to people is that a chair is for people to sit in, so someone must have been there to sit in it. Someone in the woods at the same time as us. I know that isn't logically sound, but it fits the definition of uncanny. Something normal (a chair) in an abnormal setting (the woods at 1 AM).

     This was all done to create excitement for us. Maybe we were in danger, maybe we weren't. The thrill of potentially having something bad happen was appealing to us. It's what made us sneak out time after time. Until that damn piece of tape.

This Masters Program is Showing Up at Work

     As I continue trucking on towards November 3rd and my next meeting with my group, I keep plugging away at my lit review. As many of you know, it isn't glamorous work. I've been trying to imagine an appropriate soundtrack that could play in the background like an 80's movie where the hero trains for a boxing match. Unfortunately, reading off a computer screen isn't too exciting.
Instead of trying to find clever ways to describe scrolling on a trackpad, I wanted to take a moment to discuss how this masters program has impacted me professionally.

     When I started the program last September, I immediately put a lot of what we were learning into practice. How I commented on student papers, how I approached individuals students, even my expectations of myself; all of it was changed.

     I started challenging the ideas in the paper, not just the grammar. I stopped trying to shoehorn every student into the same expectations and started setting realistic goals that I thought each student could achieve. I started to view myself as a writer who was helping younger writers find themselves.

     I was concerned when I found out that I would have another teacher in the room to provide support for struggling students this year. I've never been too confident with my peers, often following what they plan and defaulting to them. Now I'm much more confident and my co-teacher has extremely positive feedback about how I run the class.

     The biggest indication that the masters program has had a positive impact on my teaching came today at a workshop. My district has adopted Lucy Calkins' Writer's Workshop. Even though it only goes up through grade 8, my administrators feel that it can be adapted for my 9th graders who perform at lower levels. As we started getting in depth with the program and examining how we will implement each unit, my co-teacher turned to me and said, "You already do all this."

     This is the start of my thirteenth year teaching. I honestly don't know what I was doing for the first ten years or so. This program is definitely helping me become a better teacher and it ranks right up there among one of best decisions.

Sallying Forth

     This journey, still in it's infancy, is quickly becoming one of self-discovery. My organizational skills are being pushed to the limit. I thought that taking two grad school classes while working with two small children was an impossibility last year. I quickly found that I adapted to that situation. Surely taking one class this semester would be much easier. But, much like in any science class I've ever had to take, I'm wrong again.

     I'm entering into my third year teaching freshmen, so I thought I'd be comfortable with the material. Wrong. A brand new curriculum with new textbooks, new remedial software, and a new writing program were bundled together with a new building, new principal, and two new vice principals. Everything has been going well so far, but it's a lot to have to adjust to at once. I also just found out yesterday that a class was created to accommodate ten extra kids. Guess who was asked to teach it? I'll be compensated (and compensated well) to take it over, and it's a good group of kids, so it shouldn't be too much stress (fingers crossed).

     I also underestimated the amount of work that would be going into my thesis. It's definitely not too difficult or boring, but it does command a lot of time. Time I haven't quite figured out how to carve out. Once we get a few more weeks into the year and the new normal is established it should fall into place, but until then I have to make due. The few couple of weeks of lesson plans took three to four hours, but now they only take one.

     I've gathered almost all of the sources I'll need for my lit review, as well as writing how I plan to use them. I just need to organize them together in the groupings in which they will be used. There is so much cool stuff about the eerie and unsettling things that scare us. I'm making a conscious effort to stay away from the jump scares and fears of bodily harm. Instead I'm focusing on the deeply troubling things that strike at our primal fears and leave us with a creepy feeling.

     I've found a lot of material that delves into why we force ourselves into such situations. Especially during this time of year, people go out of their way to be terrified. Haunted hayrides and houses have popped up all over. Adventurous types even explore abandoned locations, which can unfortunately lead to injury.

     Debbie dropped me a note to check in and it sounds like things are going really well for her. I look forward to meeting with everyone in a few weeks and reading what they have while (hopefully) sharing what I've got.

After Some Feedback

     Meeting with Debbie, Omar, and Dr. Zamora really helped me to see how this project is going to unfold. I have this feeling that I know exactly what it is I want the project to be, but whenever I have to explain it, there's confusion. My wife still wasn't aware of what I was doing until after Thursday's class, when everything started to take shape.

     I think if I were left on my own, it would have taken me ages (if ever) to get to the point I am right now. My wife has an understanding of what I'm doing and I have a lot of work. Dr. Zamora's advice has been invaluable. Step one- read. Read about anything I think I can use in my paper.

     I didn't think I'd be studying Freud as part of this project, but I am and it fits in perfectly with what I want to discuss. I've found a half dozen sources that can be useful, so I still need ten or so more. Then I need to arrange them into a structured lit review that will help direct the rest of this project.

     I'm excited to experience my group's projects as well. These creative pieces promise to show the imagination and invention we're capable of. I just have to keep repeating to myself something I've been saying since the beginning of the program: time management. It's easy to let things slip when we aren't meeting face to face on a weekly basis.

     Tiny rant to wrap up: what are all of these kids doing in Starbucks? We commented on how loud they are, but I watched baffling uses of time. One girl opened her school book, only to take out her phone and not glance at the book again. Is this studying? Others hang out in large packs and just laugh loudly, trying to let the rest of us know how great it must be to hang out with them. Sorry, my old man is showing.

Fright Fest

     My wife and I absolutely loved going to Six Flags when we were younger. We would get season passes and, due to the fact that we lived so close, go a few times a week. Most times we went in the late afternoon or on rainy days since the crowds would be small. As great as it was to ride Medusa several times in a row, it paled in comparison to the park's annual Halloween celebration Fright Fest.

     The amount of work that must go into transforming the park into one big haunted attraction is mind-blowing. The level of detail is actually quite amazing. Caskets, tombstones, and pumpkins litter the park. Workers dress in costume, ranging from gory to nightmare-inducing. Even the old Warner Bros. characters like Porky Pig get in on the action, dressing in robes to shock the younger crowd. It was really quite amusing to see the people who scare easily freak out over what I considered to be little things.

     Until it happened to me. One particular night, my wife and I were there with my brother and his girlfriend. It was getting dark out, usually when the kids started to leave and the adults had dominion over the park. As we made our way over to the part of the park that housed Runaway Train, a favorite of ours since childhood, I noticed what looked to be the detailed dummy of a clown hanging from a post.

     I approached this mannequin to get a closer look at the level of design, completely oblivious to the fact that I was in a place designed to try and scare everyone. Looking back at the level of naivete that I exhibited, I'm a little embarrassed that I approached the dummy as calmly as I did. I began to reach out to touch it, all too curious to see what could be stuffing this garment in such a lifelike fashion.

     When I was within reaching distance, it happened. The employee who had been lying in wait for some schmuck to get close enough sprang into action. He made as if to grab at me, hoping I would shriek, followed a few laughs at how ridiculous I had been. That's not at all what he got.

     Unfortunately for him, the arm I had been extending to touch his costume reacted quite violently to his sudden jumpscare. I connected with a clean rabbit punch that would have made Rocky proud. Equally unfortunate for this guy was the fact that he was standing on a pedestal so that he would appear to be hanging from the post. This was enough to put him crotch height with my fist of fury.

     As he groaned in pain mixed with shock he crumpled to the ground. I found myself twenty feet away, seemingly teleporting myself away from further danger while proving my autonomic nervous system capable of fight-and-flight. The rest of my party remained at the scene of the crime, laughing uncontrollably.

     After this incident, which my wife still reminds of occasionally, I don't ridicule people who freak out over seemingly safe scares. Everyone has a different threshold, some just take longer to reach.Thinking about this incident brings to mind images of the people who get scared easily, and how they are generally able to laugh it off afterwards. They seem to seek that feeling of knowing they are safe after this potential threat. This realization is the high they are looking for.

     The other thing this brings to mind is how ridiculously dangerous this whole idea is. Put a large group of strangers together, under the anonymity of costumes that are inherently gory. This seems like an invitation to do bodily harm to someone unnoticed. It's almost as ridiculous as telling kids they should never take candy from strangers and then sending them out on Halloween to do just that.

Here We Go...

     I'm sure everyone is familiar with the stores that specialize in costumes and home decor that crop up a few weeks before Halloween.  You start to notice them September in the locations that can't ever seem to hold a business that isn't seasonal. In my area, they started opening up in August, officially making Halloween the new Christmas.

     I don't mind it. Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I love seeing the new merchandise that will someday scar neighborhood children. I used to fantasize about buying everything that would transform my place into a haunted house or a ghoulish graveyard. Cobwebs and candelabrums on the mantel, books containing spells and potions decorating the shelves, even spooky silverware for the occasion. Then I realize I'm the kind of person who can appreciate all that, but not the kind who actually wants to do it. Not like my neighbors.

     The people who live across the street go all out when it comes to Halloween. The yard is set up like a desecrated graveyard, replete with an in-progress human sacrifice (usually a volunteer) taking place right in the driveway. Ten-foot tall wrought iron fences are erected at the curb, from which dangle dozens of baby dolls. The neighbor, Jim, wearing a top hat and white face paint, takes residence in the middle of the street where he draws pentagrams using chalk. The most recent addition was a gallows three years ago. They rigged it up so that rope, while appearing to be around the neck, actually hooks into a harness that holds the weight of his oldest son. When approached by a trick-or-treater, the son wriggles and spasms, terrifying everyone. The inside of the house is done up as well, but my daughter is too scared to go inside (she tells me this is the year).

     The point of this digression is that even though the little toddlers who come through my neighborhood scream and cry when faced with this spectacle, they don't want to leave. They want to see everything go down as long as it's from a safe distance. And it's the same thing with my kids when we go to the Halloween store.

     As soon as my kids catch wind of one of these stores being open we have to go. Everyday if they could. My wife and I wouldn't mind taking them so much if they actually seemed to enjoy themselves when we were there.

     They both apprehensively approach the door, tiptoeing as though they are going to wake a sleeping dragon. Once inside, they get their feet wet in the kids section. Among the M&M, Power Ranger, and Power Puff Girl costumes they find temporary sanctuary. From these first few aisles they peak out at the more mature products: zombie babies, bloody corpses, and terrifying phantoms.

     It's generally at this point that one of us has to pick my son up. My daughter is good for walking on her own, clutching at her mother's hand for a few more minutes. I hold my son in my arms while he tries to both see and avoid every ghoulish thing in the place. I'm not usually one for terrorizing children, but if you ever need a good snuggling from your little one, bring them to one of these places.

     When the kids were smaller, we were able to venture all the way into the back of the store without them protesting. That's where they keep the most hardcore items. Full-size witches cackle while four foot spiders lie in wait. Much of this is motion-activated, which even scares me a little bit. It doesn't matter that you know something is going to jump out at you, it still startles you when it does. Luckily, in the past few years they have attached these products to little plates you have to step on to activate. I have been given permission to step on several displays, but only after the kids have been placed a safe distance away and I have promised no one will be injured.

     Eventually, the kids are freaked out enough that they want to leave. We are usually still in the parking lot when they both start talking about going back to the Halloween store.

What's the Plan?

           

            Sorry to be so late with my post. I moved buildings this year, have a new principal, and have 3-5 new initiatives starting all at once. Once everything settles over the next few weeks I hope to find a steadier rhythm.

            I’m still very strong on the idea of writing about fear and how people respond to it. After discussions with Dr. Zamora, it appears to be headed in the direction of documenting myself in scary, allegedly haunted locations. I had all summer to plan it out and to start visiting places, but failed to take advantage of the time. My wife is incredibly excited about the project. She bought me a GoPro for Father’s Day in anticipation of our visits to these places.

            Some of the activities that I have lined up are the engagements I briefly mentioned last week. The talks will examine Jersey legends with a strong emphasis on the Jersey Devil. In October, I’m even taking Maddy on “Jersey Devil Hunt”. That will incorporate how people of all ages respond to terrifying situations. Burlington County Prison Museum offers tours and is supposedly haunted, so that will be a stop. Eastern State Penitentiary has been a dream of ours since many of the shows we watch feature it heavily. 

To continue using my kids as material, I’ve been documenting our frequent trips to Spirit Halloween since they popped up last month. We’re talking three to four times a week. We have four different Halloween stores in our area and my kids absolutely love them; but they are terrified once they get there and want to leave. What is it that calls them back?

Weird NJ offers so many ideas and places that are off the beaten path. This past Friday, a 20-year-old woman fell off a catwalk while exploring the Curtis Specialty Paper Superfund Site. The EPA goes around and cleans up sites that could potentially pose a risk to public health. Unfortunately, many of these same places draw people in who are looking to explore. So many people ignore the fences and warning signs, unaware of or ignoring the fact that these abandoned sites are decaying and seriously dangerous. I won’t be doing that. As a grown man with a family and a career, I think I’ll be staying away from trespassing and any other activities that could prove dangerous.

I’m anxious to see how it will eventually pan out. This is already a different idea from what I started with, but I’m happier with what it has morphed into. I am extremely excited for this project and can’t wait to see how it will turn out. If anything, my family will get to create a lot of memories and fun experiences together.