Progress...

     I was blessed with two snow days this week. Unfortunately, my wife and kids only had one. On Wednesday, I had the house to myself for several hours and was able to get some work done. Not enough, but still. We've all had those writing sessions. The type where you feel as though you just haven't written enough.

     It's hard to look at a few paragraphs and rationalize the hours it took to write them. What was I doing the whole time? Is the clock wrong? On these occasions, it's helpful to remind yourself about the process you just went through. You may not be able to see all of the deleted work you were forced to abandon because it "didn't lead anywhere."

     But in truth, it did lead somewhere. Sometimes growing from an initial idea can be misconstrued as going off topic. Well, your topic just changed is all. You had a kernel of an idea that decided it wanted to be something different. Don't fight it. See where the writing takes you and what develops from it. It's finally starting to hit me that being stubborn stunts the process.

     My wife came downstairs after I had been writing for an hour. I felt embarrassed to show her the half page I had written, feeling it was unworthy of the time I had. An entire page that wasn't working for me had to be deleted and what remained looked pathetic. The abundance of white space on the screen mocked me, daring me to fill with amazing writing. When a new idea surfaced, I began to read about it so I would sound somewhat intelligent. This "research" took up most of my time.

     I looked at her sheepishly, expecting her to react negatively. Would she assume I've been spending all of my time looking at sports news? Instead, she said nothing. I confessed to her, "I had to change a lot of this, I've deleted about an entire page."

     She looked at me and said, "Isn't that how writing works?"

     I'm glad she already understands what I'm finally starting to.

Feeling Pretty Good

     I'm feeling better about this project after my group's last meeting. I received a lot of good feedback and indications that I was heading in the right direction. The finish line is in sight. The list that I was given of things to work has dwindled and what is left is extremely manageable. Here's to hoping I don't leave it all to the last minute.

     The project finally has a shape to it that I can look at and be proud of. Up until now, I knew the topic I wanted to write on, but I couldn't get beyond the general idea. I'd heard stories of how some people change their ideas completely and I was worried I would have to go down that road. Luckily, I'm still writing about my initial topic, but in ways I didn't think I would be.

     I knew I wanted to address fear, but I assumed I would be focusing on urban legends for the duration of the project. Little did I know that urban legends would be a section of the project, and fear would take center stage. If you had asked me if I planned on researching fake news for this project, I would have said no. Luckily, for the sake of my project, the country has gone to hell in a handbasket, providing me with material (believe me, I wish this were not the case).

     Funny enough, getting started on the last section has found me dragging my feet. Just like not reading the last chapter of a book you don't want to end, putting off writing it has prevented me from saying goodbye to the project. Trust me, I know how ridiculous that sounds. I'm free to revisit it whenever I want and can change whatever I want about it.

     But it also means that I am done on this journey to get my Masters. While I feel that I am a student at heart and enjoy going to classes and completing assignments (really), I will miss the people I've come to know over the past year and a half. Among them I've found encouragement and support that I (unfortunately) don't feel from my colleagues. I didn't mean to get too sentimental about this, but I had no idea where this was going when I started.